Eternal Super-bowl Weekend

When I feel distant from God and scared, my reaction is to try to think of what I need to do. What have I forgotten, what am I not doing enough of, not doing right God? What do I need to sacrifice or bring to you, oh God, that you would return to me?

My recollection of meeting with God, sometimes and perhaps more often than not, believes that it was because of my own action. “I am feeling distant, afraid and worried, I need to pray more.” My eyes look to the action, not the interaction. I look for a sacrifice to receive God’s blessing. By bowing my head and giving Him some of my precious minutes, attention and thoughts, He will water my crops – He will honour my sacrifice and reward me with feeling good. Sometimes I feel like a drug addict who is just looking to feel nice and warm all of the time.

Often times it’s when I’m not praying that I think these things. Once I do bow my head and spend some time talking with God and crying out to Him, He meets me, He speaks to me and encourages me. He calms me down, delivers me from fear, and interacts closely with me. In those moments, I’m not thinking at all about my own action, I’m just joyful and calmed and receptive to what God is doing. I’m just receiving Him, His word, His love.

Yet when I would remember it later on in my day, or when I reminisce about what my relationship with God truly is, at times it begins with me thinking of “well I did ___ and ___, then God met me”. I think simply of the matters and am blind to see what truly happens when God meets me in prayer. There is a seed of this idea that it was because I took the time out of my day, that God rewarded me with His love, His presence.

My understanding is blind, superficial and shallow. I think subconsciously so much of the time that God does these things because He is pleased with my sacrifice. Deep down what I have experienced would never reinforce that idea. When the Spirit meets me in a powerful way, there’s not really anything in me that is feeling prideful that I took time out of my day, all of that is undone. I’m just happy to be there. I just feel loved.

In the face of God’s grace we are just helpless little babies. We are undone and no thought remains of the idea that we did this. We’re just loved and redeemed. It’s what truly changes us. An experience of something external coming in, not the right life formula. Not the right charitable budget, not the right response to every disgusting thought you think, not the right prayers, the right advice to friends, none of it.

The beginning of Christianity is being met by Jesus Christ – and sometimes when God is changing us, introducing Himself to us, we scramble away from him to just try and fill that need with our own actions. I do, any ways.

I turn back to sacrificial systems that were undone forever, but it’s no longer sheep and goats, it’s time, attention, money, etc.

If you’re searching just search. Not for the right life formula, not for a lifestyle that will ease your fear dominated conscience to convince you that you’re okay. You are okay. Not because you’ve ever spent enough time in prayer, attended church enough, thought the right thoughts, rejected the right thoughts, donated enough money, none of it. No amount of anything in your life you could ever do would ever make you okay.

You’re okay because Jesus makes us okay. Jesus redeems us. And all the parts of you that want to say “but we still need to ___” are us trying to blur the only Way. The only beginning to Christianity is through the cross, through a living God coming and literally meeting you and redeeming you today.

So pray for God to come meet you, He loves you and isn’t trying to instill fear inside of you. He doesn’t want you to just cope with as much pain as possible until we die. He is not speaking fear to us.

There’s a balance that is hard to strike in communicating this, because life with Christ, as exemplified by pretty much everyone in the bible, isn’t a get out of trial, pain and work free card. In fact most of the people in the bible’s life were completely nuts and many ended in very brutal deaths – but they had peace and confidence in these places. It’s hard to communicate that God isn’t just trying to give everyone a lifetime of retirement from anything ever confusing or challenging. And it shouldn’t surprise us that dying to who we are and being made new is a painful, uncomfortable process. What language in that sentence would ever give us the impression that was a great feeling thing? “Dying to who we are?. Sounds great, come over Friday and we’ll do it.”

Life with God is a life of peace, and joy. And this journey is also hard. His burden is light, yet this life is difficult. We are free, yet slaves of Christ, as Paul puts it. We will go through trials, struggles, and pain – and yet gain peace, wisdom and fulfilment. But I think it’s important to say we’re not just doing our dues here. God doesn’t inflict pain and temptation upon us just so we know our place, or to test us. God’s will is to build us up and change us. Killing old things, and raising up new things – good things from Him. We shouldn’t reject critical thought, or close our ears every time we feel something bad - as if we thought God would only have us feel awesome all the time for our whole lives. We’re not heroin addicts, we’re being born again and growing and being used by God. Being made stronger, more peaceful, wiser – and these things are most of the time a journey. Sometimes we just want a skinny pill when God is trying to change our hearts to truly be motivated to eat well and work out and be healthier.  

I’m very mocking and harsh towards complacency because I have a great fear of it, because I see it in myself, and I believe that it is one of the most dangerous forms of evil. Much more dangerous than becoming a Satanist, is believing you’re a Christian because you do certain things, and numbing any kind of question or voice that may try to convince you otherwise. “I’ve already got my job and I do it and I’m going to heaven, now shut up.” When our life is in God’s hands, that is an admittance that we don’t have what’s best in mind and we trust Him to guide us for His own better suited plans. Sometimes those plans mean change, dramatic or small. Really if you never changed anything would you really believe you were a Christian? What did you really repent of if nothing ever changed right?

I hope you understand what I am saying here.

How we all long for this to just be a nice easy, clear written contract that we can do comfortably for our whole lives to one day receive eternal super-bowl weekend.

I think we can take confidence in the idea that God really does want us to thrive, not just be tossed around helpless, confused and lost until we die. We’re not doing our dues here to get paid with eternity in heaven later. That’s already paid for and God is spreading that word, that Kingdom and dominion under the One who paid our debt, through us.

If you’re like me and you struggle because you want to believe you’re so far, but have this inherent feeling that it’s still beginning, let’s pray together that Christ will come to meet us. I believe He does, and He will.